The Other Helping Phriendly Book

I’ve been told---by, you know, all my friends in ‘Nam---that you can tell a lot about a man when he looks death in the eye, and I’d say the same thing about my generation’s other great Judgment Day: Today, Tuesday, October 14, the day the winners of the first Phish Ticket Lottery since 2004 were announced.

In the Jewish faith we are taught that “on Rosh Hashanah it is written, on Yom Kippur it sealed, how many will pass on, how many will be created; who will live and who will die; who will rest and who will wander, who will live in harmony and who will be harried, who will enjoy tranquility and who will suffer, who will be impoverished and who will be enriched, who will be degraded and who will be exalted. But REPENTANCE, PRAYER and CHARITY avert the severe decree!"

And, indeed, less then a week after Yom Kippur---and just over two weeks since Phish returned from the ether---we wait in limbo to see. Who will spend the first weekend of March inside the Mothership? Who will spend that weekend waiting outside in The Lot? And who will pretend they’d rather spend that first weekend of MArch outside in The Lot than in the Mothership after Phish’s parent company Musictoday decides their fate for them>

For even though all my Phish tour companions have spent the past four years trying to convince me that they are “over Phish,” “done with the jam-scene” and “full-on, skinny jean wearing hipsters” (who happen to have a dog named Reba) in the past few weeks I’ve heard from both people I forgot liked Phish and people I just plain forgot about and, oddly enough, each and every one of them plans to spend the first weekend of March in Hampton, VA (there must be a sale on trucker hats or something).

But, instead waiting for the Doniac Schvice in the mail, looking for tickets on rec.music.phish or--- gasp---calling their pals on the phone, these days my Phish-revivalist friends are discussing their stories in the comment section of their favorite blogs, texting for extras and, mostly, letting their bros and brahs know what’s up via the Millennial Generation’s answer to the Shakedown Street lot: Facebook.

So I hereby present to you each and every Phish-related Facebook status update that popped up in my feed between the hours of 7 and 11:59 PM on October 14 (or at least those that were still active by the time I started copying and pasting them…a few of you changed your status faster than the final section of “Sparkle”).

Personally, “Mike Greenhaus is feeling more rejected than when Caroline turned him down at the Mock Prom in 7^th grade,” but I have faith I will be inside when the lights go down and geeking gears up. If you play in a band, manage an artist or run a post-jam-leaning blog never fear, I’ve removed everyone’s last name to protect the guilty. But feel free to add your own Phish-related status upstate in the comment section.

In the meantime, who’s got my extra? And what exactly is lot inflation like these days?

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Jennifer please help out the XXXXX phish tix fund (neither of us won the lottery) :( :( :(

Mark will buy you a new car, pefect shiny and new...

Deanne is still waiting... still waiting...

Jen will be joining everyone else online at 10AM on Saturday.

Jordan hopes that he will be there when the circus comes to town.

Heidi is still waiting....

Allie feels absolutely blessed to be going to Hampton, and will bust my ass with TM for the next 6 months to help all of her friends get in... (re-releases, people!)

Marc is stoked.

Scott is wondering if Trey will need his trampoline back?

Aaron got phish tickets!

Sam is did anyone anywhere win the phish lottery.

Christopher has hotels for trade for Phish Tickets.

Mikey is bummed out he didn't get phish tickets.

Jamie did not get tickets.

John has an extra ticket for Trey at Roseland for this Thursday - let me know if you are interested & we can work out the details.

Aimee is disappointed but not surprised:/.

Tara who's got my extra?!

Bryna is putting my rejection aside and getting ready to rock out with the scissor sisters!!

Teddy is listening to the Boss: ride the line of balance and hold on by just a thread...

Deanne is still in suspense.

Bryan is on the phishy loser list, but knowing my luck i probably wouldn't have been able to go anyway.

Chris Denied.

Patrick is happy to have water again. If you love something .. break a water main. If it comes back its yours. If it doesn't it never was

Adam got tix!!!!

Brittany did not get phish tix grrrr.

Dan wishes he could vote for Fishman.

Jen never has phish luck. EVER.

Jaime GOT PHISH TIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eric is missing the good ol' mail order days of postal money orders and snail mail to lexington, MA.

Matt GOT MOTHERF*CKING PHISH TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thanks Dre).

Matthew is thinking that mail order tix are just urban legand, much like the unicorn and the G spot.

Scott is feeling quite rejected.

Erik has been denied by the phish and is OK with it.

Carlin is considering finding 5391 Three Notched Road, Crozet, VA 22932 and burning it down...

Sara is Super SAD & Mark is Angry - We did NOT get Phish Lottery!!!!!

Robert wishes he never saw John Miles dressed as a bee, and wishes he had won Phish lottery...

Greg did not get phish tix either!

Kelly didn't get tix either.

Yoni hasn't gotten rejected yet...

Shaun is gon' PHISHing march 6!!!!!!!!!

Drew will be at a ticketmaster outlet near you this saturday morning. rsvp to reserve your coffee, gooballs, and lot dog.

Tanner is ef.

James ready to do battle Sat AM for tix.

Marc lost in the Phish Hampton lottery. Guess those 50+ shows don't mean a thing.

Regan did not get her tickets, and her baby has an ear infection. Double whammy :(.

John-Ryan also regrets to inform you that your Phish ticket order was a bust.

Adam Didn't Get Phish Tickets...Off To Ticketmaster on Saturday.

Russell was rejected for Phish tickets at Hampton.

Justin love the fact that I forgot to ask for Phish tickets. I've so clearly moved on, yet I refuse to admit it

Andy "We regret to inform you that you did not get the tickets that you requested through Phish Tickets."

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Well, that’s it for now, unless you count such choice text messages as “we’ll be in the bldg somehow” and “we were both denied see you sat morning!” or Gmail favorites like “my mom was denied, those bastards” and “praise the lord, but we are still playing like we didn't get any and have to get all of us in.”

As my friend Bill once said, the world was a far lamer place without Phish. See you all Saturday morning!