Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Cock Blocks!

According to the all knowing Wikipedia---perhaps the only publication with more typos than the Greenhaus Effect---the term Cock Block is “a slang phrase used to describe a situation in which one person has been prevented from flirting or establishing sexual relations with another by a third party.” From my extensive research into the topic at hand, I’ve realized that there are two distinct types of cock blockers: intentional and un-intentional. I sleep easy knowing that most intentional cock blockers are just dicks and will be justly punished in the afterlife (and forced to listen to 70 Volt Parade bootlegs for all of eternity). It’s the un-intentional cock blockers who are more frustrating. Usually, they are good people, close companions, unaware of their crimes. For instance, I have a friend---let’s call him Adam for arguments sake. He is a nice kid, a good friend and usually a great guy to have around. But, time and time again, he’s flubbed the deciding throw in my already poorly constructed game plan. Learning when to use the bathroom mid-conversation is a valuable skill. In the end, I can only blame myself.

On most missions into the wilderness of female affection I’ve found that I’m better on solo tour than in a group setting. I don’t like having wingmen around to help guide my flight (even if that flight is heading south) It’s funny. I think I have co-pilot performance anxiety. I feel a need to include them in the conversation, make sure they are having a good time and, more often than not, make sure they're getting some. So in general, I’ve decided to bounce solo for the time being .Besides, my tales of female courtship are usually more exciting in retrospect than while they’re unfolding anyway.

Since I’ve been a bad blogger recently (or productive worker depending on how you look at it), I’m offering you’ll a free, Jarnow-style gift. It’s an mp3 of Iron & Wine sitting in with the Shins on “New Slang.” While usually a mediocre live band (and I 've been a fan of the Shins since waaaay back in 2004), the Shins shine on this track, mostly thanks to Sam Beam’s “doo doo doo dooo dooo” into. I’m feeling pensive just thinking about it!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Let it Ride: The Jammys Setup

A Heady Heart to Hart
Always nice to have this guy at your party

I haven't eaten here since the day of my Relix internship interview. Imagine if the check hadn't come in time.....

The Wetlands, today

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Kicking the Jams

In less than 800 words this guy managed to take down the genre which provides my paycheck, an award ceremony I'm proud to call my own and a band I've been seeing live for almost a decade. It is an essentially flawed article, but still worth a read, if only to bitch about

My response is pending...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Free Music! New Reasons to be Neurotic!

My Mood: Somewhere between upset, jaded and scared.

In two weeks my magazine, Relix, is throwing a festival right here in New York City. Being good hippies, it fits squarely between 4/20 and Earth Day and celebrates the wonders of living greenly---or so I am told. If all goes somewhat according to plan its going to be pretty cool and I’d love it if you all joined in some of the weekend festivities.

The craziness all begins at the sixth annual Jammy Awards which is going to be held on April 20 (I know, heady). The Jammys is kind of like one of my old-school Excelsior parties only it is held at the Theater at Madison Square Garden and doesn’t get busted at 12:30 PM. Ok, so its nothing like one of my old school Excelsior parties, but, if you're lucky, you'll get to watch my head explore in the same endearing way halfway through the night.

The Jammys is our annual award ceremony/indoor festival in which we pair “real bands” with “jambands” for onetime only collaborations. Some of the notable bands performing this year include moe., Blues Traveler, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, The Dead’s Mickey Hart and Billy Kreutzmann, Dweezil Zappa, Phish’s Mike Gordon, Peter Frampton, Joe Satriani, Stephen Marley, Ky-Mani Marley, Guster, Savion Glover, Richie Havens, Angelique Kidjo, Steve Kimock, Jane Addiction’s Stephen Perkins, Bettye LaVette, Little Feat, DJ Logic, Mad Professor, Baaba Maal, Martin Sexton, Grace Potter, Chick Corea, Charlie Musselwhite and McCoy Tyner, yada yada yada. It costs about $30 and runs from about 8 PM to 1 AM, give or take a few technical difficulties.

If that’s not enough, we’ve also co-opted pretty much every venue in the greater New York-arena from April 21-23---from Carnegie Hall to CODA---for the weekend long Green Apple Music Festival. Each venue is going to “go green” and we’re putting on a bunch of hip shows, including the New York Philharmonic! I am running three shows myself: Friday, a Strangefolk/Grateful Dead party at the Lion’s Den Friday, Saturday a performance by the Slip at CODA and Sunday a boat cruise around New York with the Zen Tricksters and Max Creek. If you are wandering about town stop by and say hi!

Since concerts cost money, we’re also providing entertainment for the post-college improvised. On April 21 and 22, we’re closing down 42nd street in front of Grand Central Station all day Friday and Saturday for an EarthFair of sorts. For all intensive purposes its going to be an urban Bands on the Skidmore Green with music, vendors, drum circles and, I’m told, at some point flamethrowers. A few of the choice acts performing include the Grateful Dead’s Mickey Hart, Martin Sexton, Umphrey’s McGee and Ben Taylor.

Ok, so my stomach is starting to cringe just thinking about all I have to do before then (including sending off my taxes and surrendering my beloved spaghetti marinara for eight days), so I am going to go. But, I hope to see you bouncing around New York!



PS We will return with daily Greenhaus Effect updates on April 24, with enough post-festival
cynicism to keep you coming back for months to come!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Wish You Were Here

For me, Pink Floyd has always had a sort of voodoo. The group's classic lineup last performed the year I was born and Roger Waters severed ties with his bandmates shortly after my third-birthday, ruling out a chance for any post-uterine performances. Not that it really mattered. Pink Floyd, in my mind, always had a mystic quality, a loose collection of sounds and voices tied together somewhere in space. Unlike more iconic figures like John Lennon or Jerry Garcia, David Gilmour's voice, in particular, was never attached to his face but, instead floated free into the sky filled with lasers, smoke and strobe lights. And, now, a decade after Pink Floyd parted ways, David Gilmour stands in the present --- a real person playing to a post-9/11 crowd. A few vocal scratches aside, he sounds just as I remembered him or, more precisely, how I envisioned remembering him. Sometimes, it is easier to look at the lights.....

Earplug Alert!

Sorry if these entries have slowed down in past few weeks. Its not that I don't love disecting my daily routine with Seinfelid percision, its just that things have been so darn busy around Relix. Between closing issues, posting Langerado leftovers on Cold Turkey and writing fake news on, it seems every day is another deadline. Oh, did I forget to mention we are throwing a five day, 20 venue festival (with a staff of only 17)......Green Apple is taking place from April 19-23 and will likely produce some fine, fine music (and some, fine, fine blog worthy clusters).

Anyways, still lots of music before then. Here are some highlights:

April 4: David Gilmour (featuring Richard Wright) @ Radio City Music Hall

April 5: Dirty Dozen Brass Band @ Canal Room

April 6: Ratdog @ Beacon Theater, New York, NY