Tuesday, February 08, 2011

The Theory of Saturn's First Return (AKA How I Spent My Summer Vacation)

Real Estate playing my 29th annual belated birthday party. The bonus Relix product placement in the background means I can use this blog entry as a tax write off.

Wow. It's certainly been a while since I last updated this space. In fact, so much time has passed that some of you probably thought I was mad at you…or had eloped…or was dead in a ditch…or one of the other many of conclusions my loving neurotic family might jump to if I didn’t call home for over two years. Normally this is the time where I would say something to the extent of “not much as changed in the past year except for where I accidentally place my typos,” but in the past 24 months things have actually changed in my little nook of the ‘net—and in the world in general.

In case you've been living under a rock or in DIY promoter Todd P’s Market Hotel for the past 24 months: Phish reunited, the fans returned, got jaded again, skipped out on some shows, realized that it is more fun to be jaded on the road than at home and seem to be back in full force. In that time Japanese spammers also stole my beloved Greenhaus Effect.com URL and the punks at Go Daddy's customer service department--who are clearly better at sending out spam than speaking Japanese--have been unable to buy it back for me.

Then, of course, there was that rather strange 48-hour-period where my co-workers and I were fired from Zenbu Media through an air-condition vent, agreed to stay on for free to close a final issue of Relix and helped re-launch the magazine with the help of the best thing to happen to the bowling world since The Big Lebowski, Pete Shapiro.

In the past year, I’ve also seen one former musical acquaintance top the Billboard charts, another camp friend emerge as my generation’s Bill Gates and enough friends jump on the wedding bandwagon that I’m officially declaring 2011 the year “having babies is the new getting married.” Plus, there's that whole meeting the love of my life thing (the grammatically correct yin to my perennially incorrect yang) and realizing that, to misquote John Lennon, life is what happens why you're worrying about other things. Heck, I even changed where I part my hair.

I’m almost tempted to believe the old astrological chart myth of Saturn’s First Return—the theory that one begins a new stage of their life between the ages of 28 and 30—but I should probably stop talking before I start sounding like minute 58 of a 60-minute episode of Behind the Music.

But I do miss posting things to the internet that I’ll regret in a couple of years, so after a good deal of thinking—and a great deal of procrastination—I've decided to re-activate my long dormant Greenhaus Effect column on Jambands.com (which much like Jambands.com in general falls somewhere between USNET groups and blogs on the internet timeline but somehow managed to survive both digital trends).

I’m not entirely sure how often I’ll update my new/old column or even what I should call it: The Greenhaus Effect 3.5 (1.0 being my college column, 2.0 being my original Jambands.com column and 3.0 being my blog), Hell Freezes Over: The Greenhaus Effect 2.0 Reunion Tour or even Furthur Greenhaus Effects. But I can promise you one thing hasn’t changed: I'm still note entire sure how to tie my shoes.