Thursday, August 31, 2006

My Night with Natalie Revisited

Since everyone in my office is obsessed with Garden State this summer, I thought I'd bring you this not-so-classic cut from the Greenhaus Effect archives, remastered for your spell check's pleasure.

Above: She's Like Every Girl I've Ever Dated, But Hotter

I’m not quite sure if I’m in love with Natalie Portman or her character from Garden State, but either way she’s high-up on my list of celebrity crushes. But, unlike most unobtainable Hollywood hotties, Natalie (yes, we’re on a first name basis) always seemed to exist somewhere on the fringes of my very tangible social circle. She attended Harvard with my best friend, danced at a wedding with a co-worker and, most importantly, falls comfortably into my limited area of female expertise: short, Jewish and neurotic (oh come on, she grew up on Long Island after all.)

Since I’ve always fashioned myself something of a Zach Braff character, I imagined our first encounter would be somewhat cinematic, set against the Shins’ “New Slang” or awash in Simon and Garfunkel’s “Only Living Boy in New York.” So, you can imagine how off guard I was when I found myself sipping Icelandic vodka just one seat away from Ms. Portman at the overstuffed, over priced, Maritime Hotel. It happened last Thursday at a Sigur Ros after-party, sometime during a heated jamband debate with two of my closest cubical neighbors. While on some (in-retrospect) embarrassing Disco Biscuit-tangent, I noticed my friend’s eye moving slowly to my right and then down to my shoulder. After a few seconds of self-conscience confusion, I glanced over only to find out that I had been sitting next to the one and only Natalie Portman for the past fifteen minutes (and apparently she didn’t find my Disco Biscuits dissertation attractive--dam). Before I could utter the words “carrying is creepy,” she moved across the room, leaving Elizabethtown the lone cinematic depiction of my Garden State dream.

After finishing my vodka, I cut my losses and walked home to find my narcoleptic/or alcoholic roommate passed out on the sofa and my IM flickering for attention. As if walking into a bonus track on the Garden State DVD, my computer displayed cryptic message from a female friend which once accused Zack Braff of plagiarizing her personality (and I don’t disagree), beginning a weekend chase which also culminated with a GS-quote (alas, “We're not gonna make out or anything, okay?/Oh, I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?”)

I don’t need to recreate Garden State, I’m living it. Except for the whole paraplegic mom plot, my parent’s only disease is Jewish guilt.

On a somewhat related tangent how, have you enter noticed that things tend to sound just a touch deeper when set against the Shins’ “New Slang.” Turn it on and chew on this: I’m not sure what the meaning of life is, but I’m pretty sure the Shins scored its soundtrack.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Above: I know, i have great morning hair (a cyber-hippie checking his e-mail at Gathering of the Vibes)
I’ve been having very vivid dreams recently. In fact, if my handwriting were anywhere near legible, I’d place a pen and paper near my pillow since I’ve been at my most productive between 6 and 8:17 AM (the two hours and seventeen minutes before my alarm emerges from hibernation). I’m not sure if its festival jet-leg or the result of too much ice coffee, but my internal alarm clock has been all jumbled recently, waking me up when I want to sleep and soothing me to sleep when I want to work (or at least procrastinate). But, the other day, when I was sleeping I had an odd, sober stoner thought. During one of my final morning REM dream sequences, my alarm popped off, sending a signal into my brain. Instead of waking me, however, my alarm morphed into a smoke detector buzzing through my mind. In my dream, I spent hours trying to turn off the smoke detector (perhaps the truest sign yet that I am indeed addicted to second hand smoke), before I eventually gave up and continued on with my thoughts. At about 8:35, I finally woke up meaning that my dream actually lasted around eighteen minutes instead of three-hours (just like Ms. Rothman’s math class). And, while I won’t get all Waking Life on you, I thought it was pretty cool that I somehow managed to actually time my dream (even if it caused me to arrive at work a bit late). Now if only I could figure out a way to wake up quick enough to see what I look like when I’m sleeping.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Hurricane Emily

Much like GRAB (the occasional union of Trey Anastasio, Mike Gordon and the Benevento/Russo Duo) there was much anticipation leading up to Emily Tour (the Garden State-like 5’2 neurotic Jewish girl I met at All Good) before Camp Bisco. And, much like Mr. Anastasio’s performance with GRAB, Emily Tour ultimately failed before I ended up falling into the same old habits (i.e. not making a move quick enough, therefore setting off a chain reaction of neuroses resulting in clinic approved crazy girl activity). In the end, the only person I can blame is myself (and Hurricane I for cursing me into a life of craziness back in ‘04), so I ended up just forgetting about Emily and enjoying Camp Bisco for its music (now that’s a novel concept).

But, for some unexplainable reason, I decided to visit Emily’s My Space page after returning home from Camp yesterday only to find my image replaced with some other dude who, apparently, accented into her top eight quicker than I could say Hurricane Emily. If I had a My Space account I’d swap her out for some equally endearing Garden State-like 5’2 neurotic Jewish girl (cause g-d knows my none-existant My Space wall would be full of them). Yet, now, I am forced to redirect my frustration towards Tom and his social networking service for rubbing my face (or at least my mouse) into my misfortune. Alas, Hurricane season is upon us once again. Who would of thought we’d make it to S this early in the year…..

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Earplug Alert!

2006-08-21-Gov't Mule @ Virgin Mega Store

2006-08-22-CSNY @ Jones Beach, Wantagh, NY

2006-08-23-The Shins @ MccCarren Park Pool

2006-08-24-26: CAMP BISCO, Hunter Mountain, New York, Ny

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Earplug Alter!

Wednesday: John Scofield @ Katonah Museum, Katonah, NY

Thursday: Gnars Barkley @ Central Park SummerStage, New York, NY

Friday-Sunday: Gathering of the Vibes: RatDog, Hot Tuna, Yonder, NMA et all

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Return of the Earplug Alert!

Today: Dirty Dozen Brass Band @ Lincoln Center (Free!)

Wednesday: Jonah Smith @ Rockwood Music Hall

Thursday: Mission of Burma Film @ Lincoln Center

Thursday: Toubab Krewe @ SOBS

Friday: Steel Train @ Knitting Factory

Saturday: MMW @ Oyster Bay Arboretum

Sunday: Apollo Sunshine et all @ McCarren Pool

Sunday: CSNY @ Woodstock

Monday, August 07, 2006

Back to Blogging

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this here blog. I guess it has something to do with the summer season, which finds Relix going monthly, music festivals going daily and my post-suburban hormones going through the roof. And, while one might argue that those are ideal blogging conditions, I decided to let time mentally filter my public(ish) persona. Anyways, my summer has been eventful to say the least. Since June, when the Greenhaus Effect slipped from a daily, typo-plagued recap of all things Mikey (call it the of my blogging world if you will) into a state of semi-hiatus inactivity (call it the Disco Biscuits of the blogging world if you will), I’ve covered a ton of ground---mostly festivals (Jam on the River, Mountain Jam, Wakarusa, Bonnaroo, High Sierra, G.R.A.B. Tour, All Good, 10,000 Lakes, Randall’s Island…) and weddings (Seth and Jenny/Evan and Evan/Eve, Alexis/some random dude she met last Wednesday)

It’s been good, albeit busy, and most of my best adventures are available in audio form at That’s it for now, though I swear on my favorite Phish show that the Greenhaus Effect will return to its daily, self-depreciative glory. Until then, enjoy this picture of Benjy and I Dave Vann sent over last week. I think I’ll make it the inside cover of my second album, Same Day, Different Typo