Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Cock Blocks!

According to the all knowing Wikipedia---perhaps the only publication with more typos than the Greenhaus Effect---the term Cock Block is “a slang phrase used to describe a situation in which one person has been prevented from flirting or establishing sexual relations with another by a third party.” From my extensive research into the topic at hand, I’ve realized that there are two distinct types of cock blockers: intentional and un-intentional. I sleep easy knowing that most intentional cock blockers are just dicks and will be justly punished in the afterlife (and forced to listen to 70 Volt Parade bootlegs for all of eternity). It’s the un-intentional cock blockers who are more frustrating. Usually, they are good people, close companions, unaware of their crimes. For instance, I have a friend---let’s call him Adam for arguments sake. He is a nice kid, a good friend and usually a great guy to have around. But, time and time again, he’s flubbed the deciding throw in my already poorly constructed game plan. Learning when to use the bathroom mid-conversation is a valuable skill. In the end, I can only blame myself.

On most missions into the wilderness of female affection I’ve found that I’m better on solo tour than in a group setting. I don’t like having wingmen around to help guide my flight (even if that flight is heading south) It’s funny. I think I have co-pilot performance anxiety. I feel a need to include them in the conversation, make sure they are having a good time and, more often than not, make sure they're getting some. So in general, I’ve decided to bounce solo for the time being .Besides, my tales of female courtship are usually more exciting in retrospect than while they’re unfolding anyway.

Since I’ve been a bad blogger recently (or productive worker depending on how you look at it), I’m offering you’ll a free, Jarnow-style gift. It’s an mp3 of Iron & Wine sitting in with the Shins on “New Slang.” While usually a mediocre live band (and I 've been a fan of the Shins since waaaay back in 2004), the Shins shine on this track, mostly thanks to Sam Beam’s “doo doo doo dooo dooo” into. I’m feeling pensive just thinking about it!

1 comment:

Adam said...

For some reason I take offense at this post... >:O

its on greenhaus!